As a 12 year-old, I firmly believed that bikinis were only for supermodels, but on the day my aunt brought home a red and white polka-dotted string bikini, I began to think differently. At first, of course, I thought that she must be unaware of my cellulite. I tried on the swimsuit to show her what I meant, and all she seemed to see was perfection.

Still, getting me to wear the bikini to the pool was a struggle, because I didn’t think that the one inch of cellulite that showed at the top of my legs was acceptable. My 4’11” skinny little aunt was undaunted. She said, “You have long legs and curves. Do you know what some women would give for a body like that?” She made me feel so silly about my self-conscious attitude that I wore the bikini and went swimming every afternoon for hours. 

Years later, I was an overweight young mom, and once again, I felt impossibly hideous. Now, my cellulite had spread, my curves were even curvier, and I had stretch marks. To hide to that, for years, I swam with long jean shorts and tank tops, but then our church had an outing at a state park with a strict swimming pool policy– swimsuits only. No overshirts. No shorts. For me, that meant absolutely no swimming. Then, my best friend arrived and she decided to get into the pool. 

My bff was and is prim, proper, and polite. She did the appropriate thing at all times, and this woman who outweighed me just pulled off her shorts and shirt and walked into the water wearing nothing but a swimsuit. What’s more, she seemed to have no qualms at all about who might see her. Thunderstruck, I slipped off the jean shorts and overshirt that I’d worn, and I stepped into the pool, too. 

That first day is one of my best memories. So is another time when I found myself in a pool full of people. A friend who was almost fully dressed said, “I could never swim so uncovered.” I found myself blurting out, “If other people don’t want to see my body, they don’t have to look.” Suddenly, I could see in my mind’s eye that lovely 12 year-old girl who felt flawed, the young mom who had put on a few pounds and felt so ugly, and the woman that I was today. I was larger than I had been at both of those young times, but suddenly, I felt beautiful. 

My bff taught me something that day at the church picnic. Shame can hinder your life, but confidence can showcase your beauty in ways that you have never experienced.

Lack of confidence had kept a perfectly awesome person — me — locked away. On the other hand, my bff brought out my smile, and in the light of her wonderful personality, we began to exude radiant joy, That day, no one’s gaze stayed on my so-called flaws that I was so sure might attract attention. In fact, all that anyone seemed to see was how much fun we were having. 

A few months ago, our church had another outing. I entered the pool with a petite lady about as big as my aunt. Where in the past, I might have concentrated on how large I must look beside her, this time I only remember our great talk, how sweet her daughters were to me, and how excited I am about the next outing. 

Life is so much fun for me now! Oh, to go back to that sad, self-conscious girl and to teach her what I know now. Life is good! There is so much to do. I would say to her, “Allow no fears to limit you.” But I don’t think she would listen, but I want to recommit to live by them today, and for the rest of my life. 

If God is for us, who can be against us?